"Stepping back is important because it is sometimes difficult to see things that are too close to us. We take them for granted and, as the saying goes, cannot see the forest for the trees."

Saturday, February 4, 2012. 
it was so nice to sleep in an actual bed. my bed at school actually isn’t that bad, but more room is nice. Mim and I went shopping at J. Crew and I got a pair of shorts and a t-shirt that are both really cute. we walked around for a long time and we went to eat around the middle of the day at a place called J. Alexander’s in the mall. I also got a pair of Valentine’s underwear from Victoria’s Secret and a belt and hair clips from Forever 21. we left the mall around 5pm and went back to Mim’s to feed Duffy. then we went to Pam’s because we were going to Mackenzie’s hockey game. it was really fun and stressful to watch. the score was 1-1 but it was a good game. after that we went to Target and I bought food with Mollie’s help. then Mim and I went back to her house. it was probably around 10ish at that point, I don’t really remember. but Mim started making my cake. after she put it in the oven, I was watching SNL and it smelled like smoke and I looked in the oven and the cake batter was overflowing in the cake pans and it was smoking. I called Mim upstairs because she was in the basement doing laundry and a small fire did start at one point omg it was scary because she didn’t turn the oven off until the last second. she tried to make it again but then she said it was really sunken in the middle so she didn’t use that. it was almost 2am at this point. crazy.
Sunday, February 5, 2012. 
I got up at around 11:30 today. Mim made this french toast thing and eggs and we ate close to noon. I put some CDs on her itunes for her ipod and opened my package from my dad and my sister and brother. I got washcloths with a K on them, pajama pants, nail polish from Jill, bracelets that Jill made, candy, and charms for my bracelet from my dad. I also got a card that Brandon and Jill sang on and it’s really cute. I took a shower at like 1:30ish. Megan and Finn came over around 2:45ish. Keegan didn’t come because he wasn’t “behaving” so Megan left him with Chris. Finn is so loud and he literally never stops going. Tricia came over shortly after they did and she gave me flowers and m&ms and a card. Meghan was at tennis so she didn’t come but I talked to her on the phone. Cheryl and John came shortly after and I got money from them. Pam and Mollie came and I got a bright green coat, socks, and a cute shirt from them. also, Lori gave me granola, candy hearts, foot cream, $10, lavender oil, and another foot thing. we ate cake and ice cream after that (Mim went out and bought a new cake this morning) and it was so good. I ate SO much this weekend and I seriously think I gained weight because I have not been hungry since we ate at the mall yesterday. after we ate, everyone just kind of sat around and talked and I was so tired. Pam took me back to school around 6ish I think and I’ve been unpacking and not doing my homework because I don’t have a quiz over the readings for Africa tomorrow and I was so happy I almost cried. I probably won’t read them because I’m so tired. it’s been a good weekend but I’m just so homesick and I really need to bring up transferring to my dad. I think I’m going to force myself to tomorrow because I need to send out an application soon. ugh. 

Friday, February 3, 2012. 

I contemplated skipping Africa today because I was tired. I went to breakfast afterwards and I kind of regretted it because I always feel really bad after I eat anything. then I came back to my room and I had probably a half an hour or so before I had to leave for History and I just looked up things on the Triangle book but I’m not really sure if it helped. the test was whatever, I really don’t want to think about it because I don’t know how I did. at around 1:30pm Mim called me and asked me if I wanted to come over this weekend because of my birthday and of course I said yes. I took a nap from like 2pm to a little after 4:00 and then I went to the Oakland center and bought stuff to eat there because I didn’t feel like eating in the cafeteria. Mim told me that Megan was going to be picking me up after 7:00, but she hasn’t called yet or anything. I’m kind of just waiting for that. I bet anyone $100 that she asks me about Grand Valley. 

Thursday, February 2, 2012. 
I woke up at 9:27 this morning so I got ready really quickly because I had class at 10am. we learned how to use the school’s library resources for research today and we had to take a stupid quiz that I didn’t do that great on and it was easy as fuck so I was kind of mad but what the fuck ever. then I had like half an hour to kill so I went to Caribou (typical) because I figured I wouldn’t have time to eat anything before 3pm. then I went to Writers Group and it wasn’t that fun today because we just edited submissions for the journal because they were due yesterday and everyone kind of seemed like they were in a bad mood. then I had Health and I came back to my room and tried to sleep (LOL) but I didn’t. I went to floor dinner tonight though because I overheard someone ask Ellen about it in the hall so I figured I would go and it was really nice because I’m sick of eating in my room when I don’t really have to. I have a test in History tomorrow over the Triangle book (which I just finished) and I’m not really looking forward to because I don’t know what to expect and I just want to get it over with. 
also I got birthday cards in the mail today from my brother and sister and my dogs. it kind of made my day better. 

Wednesday, February 1, 2012. 

I failed my test in Africa. that was upsetting. I haven’t really thought about it that much though which is probably a good thing. I started my homework too late again. I got it done though and it didn’t really even take me that long. I hope I did okay on my paper. I saw my therapist today and it was pretty good. better than I thought I guess. I also took a nap and I feel like this is developing into a daily habit which isn’t a good thing. I’m just so tired all the time and I can’t fall asleep earlier than 2am and it sucks. I’m trying though but it’s hard. I also don’t think I eat enough during the day because I really only eat dinner and I have gotten a headache for the past two days but I feel fat if I eat more than one meal here because I feel like the food is really bad for you. 

Sunday, January 29, 2012.
honestly I don’t even remember any of Sunday. it was a boring day and I think I slept for most of it and had anxiety attacks all day. lol great day. 
Monday, January 30, 2012. 
yesterday I went to class and I called my dad about this tax thing that I got in the mail and cried (lol) and I didn’t bring up transferring because I didn’t know how to. then I texted Kelly and asked her about it and it calmed me down a lot after talking to her. I would basically have a place to live if I did decide to transfer, I just need to talk to my dad soon. I went to bed at like 2am because I didn’t actually start my paper until 8 or 9pm. 
Tuesday, January 31, 2012. 
today was weird, I don’t even remember what happened either. my days really are just blurring together because nothing exciting happens. I started my Africa homework probably too late but I actually read all the readings and finished at 10:30pm. I still have to finish the Triangle book because I have a test on it on Friday. also I am fucking dreading tomorrow because Wednesday means counseling and I do NOT want to go because I hate it. also I neeeeeeeeeeed to find something to submit to the Writers Group book but I don’t know what adlskjfawehg I feel like nothing is good enough. ugh.

Saturday, January 28, 2012.

I ate by myself this morning in the cafeteria, and it was packed because this weekend is Homecoming at my school so all the alumni people were there. I stayed in there for a pretty long time because I really didn’t want to go back to my room. I went on my computer for awhile, then my dad called me and talked about my tax return. I was supposed to go ice skating with my Writing group, but since I didn’t have a ride I couldn’t go. I took a nap from about 2-something to almost 6:00pm. I went to get something to eat and then watched Like Crazy. and now here I am.

Friday, January 27, 2012.

nothing special happened today. I didn’t have my History class though because my professor didn’t show up. I came back to my room and tried to take a nap but I could not fall asleep. I watched the Speak Now Tour DVD tonight and that’s pretty much it. I’m not really getting my hopes up for tomorrow but I guess we’ll see. 

Wednesday, January 25, 2012.
yesterday I blocked tumblr all day for my own benefit. I blocked it at around 10:00am I think so I wouldn’t be tempted to go on it after class. I did my lab for Health and I did it for about two straight hours so I was proud of myself. then I saw my therapist at 4:15. I really did not want to go. but he gave me some really good things for managing test anxiety and stuff like that, so I hope it helps. also, I ended up skyping with Marina instead of actually studying for my Health quiz (oops). it was really nice catching up with her though. we talked for like two hours I think. then I took a shower and kind of studied for my quiz, but I felt like shit so I went to bed. 
Thursday, January 26, 2012.
today has been kind of strange but not in a bad way. there was no Writers Group today. after my first class I went to Starbucks and then came back to my room to “study” for my Health quiz, which consisted of me looking at powerpoints. I hope I did okay on it. after class I came back to my room and waited until 3pm when the ARC meeting was. two of the girls from last semester were there and I didn’t really expect them to. I like them but they’re kind of loud. there is a basketball game tonight and I assume it’s still going on and my dad called me earlier to inform me that there was one. he said I should go but I don’t have anyone to go with. the Homecoming basketball game is on Saturday and I kind of want to go but like I said I don’t have anyone to go with. ugh. I really hope I get to go ice skating on Saturday though. I feel really dumb most of the time because of all of this.
I took a picture of the Triangle book because it’s what I should be doing right now but I really don’t feel like it.  

Tuesday, January 24, 2012.

it is impossible to do laundry in this stupid building. I’m still procrastinating and I’m sad for no reason (what’s new though). I really do not want to see my therapist tomorrow. I just want to sleep. nothing exciting happened today because nothing exciting ever happens. nothing else to say.

Monday, January 23, 2012.

I have determined that my Intro to Africa class is my least favorite class, and my History class is one of my favorites. today when I got back from my History class, I debated for about 45 minutes whether or not I should do my laundry, and I (of course) decided against it. I took a nap instead from around 2:00pm-4:00pm. Kelly called me shortly after 4 and I talked to her for almost an hour. it’s so nice talking to her. we talked about me possibly transferring to Grand Valley next year but I still don’t know ugh because I haven’t talked to my dad or anything. I’m going to apply as early as I can for housing next year so I can get into a better dorm but there aren’t any guarantees. I don’t know, I don’t know if it’s good to transfer after your sophomore year either. I guess we’ll see. I started my homework too late today though and I really REALLY need to stop procrastinating. my keyboard is still stained fucking pink though because of the juice. The Office is on in 6 minutes so I’m going to watch that and try to fall asleep before 2am. 

sleepy themes